Clutter in Marriage
Decluttering is needed not only for physical space and in our minds. It is also needed for our relationships. Marriage coach Tiffany Tuttle joined me in this episode to share ways to make marriage stronger after having kids— and get your husband to help you in parenting and chores!
Listen to the podcast
Nobody warns first time or anticipating moms that marriage will be put in a back burner once the child is born… which will then cause the marriage to falter especially when you are dealing with postpartum depression.
And when moms get into that moment and everything gets overwhelming, it can be hard to know where to go from there. Moms don’t often talk about it because we feel that it reflects (badly) on us and we are afraid of looking imperfect. But it is more common than we think. We have to normalize the conversation so we don’t feel alone, and save the relationship from falling apart!
How do you know you needed support to save your marriage?
When you are in the brink of divorce or separation, you might want to try the tips below or better, get a marriage coach. It’s better than to regret not trying. So if you do end up with the separation, you know that you did everything you could to save your marriage. Don’t be afraid to seek help first!
So how do you get the husband to help?
Before we dive in, let go of the idea that he “should know” or that “I don’t have to tell him.” Because actually, he does need to be told. He wouldn’t know what you’re going through deep down unless you communicate it.
Here are Tiffany’s five step guide to open the tough conversation with our husbands:
- Ask. Avoid telling, demanding, or nagging. Ask your husband what tasks does he enjoy doing (especially with the baby.) Now this is just to break the ice. Don’t mistake it as you get to have the crappy jobs and he get the fun ones. This is just to start the momentum. *wink
- Focus on what he does right. Try to overlook flaws and allow more gratitude.
- Realize that both of you deserve to feel heard and appreciated. They feel pressured with having kids too, especially financially. You can ask him how does he feel being a dad? Let him express.
- Consider his family background. And try to figure out together how does his childhood experience affect how he is as a husband and a dad now.
- Never say, “we need to talk.” That will put his defences up. Get straight to the point.
Additional marriage tips
Aside from these five principles, another thing to consider are your love languages. This is how you will understand how both of you show love, and how each of you wants to be loved. Because recognizing your differences in this language is a crucial step in understanding each other. He might does really care, he just shows it differently than how you wanted/expected.Lastly, we need to remember that we need to master these things to have a successful marriage:
- Communication
- Reconnecting
- Intimacy
Listen to the episode for elaboration and more marriage tips!